The Strength to Go On.

Hope. A word with one meaning and far too many significances based on the person you ask, based on that moment in time, based in that frame of reference as a result of struggles, experiences, joys.

WIthin each of us resignates some form of hope. For some moments in time, the hope can be buried in the depth of our soul as we quest to receive an understanding of our own adversities. Latino, black, asian, middle-eastern, woman, age, foreigner, poor, undereducated, educated, gay, mixed race, orphan. The list could go on and on for our adversities which may be inflicted upon us everyday. Inflicted to point in which open wounds are left that continuously try to heal but never can due to day to day infliction. Despite the infliction, we can find a way to rise up in a hope.  A hope in which things will get better; in which change will bring progress of equality and a better life.

It resignates within each of us through different means, some have more hope than others but it is still there.

Here I am 15 months into my peace corps journey. I reflect open my thoughts when i was applying to peace corps. Grandeur thoughts of grassroot community change. Inspiring hope among those around me that if we believe and work hard enough, poairive change will better our communities. I had hopes that emerging into another culture the support and different perspective I offered would assist in new creative ideas brought together by the community.

15 months later....

What hope I had in creating this great positive idealist change!! Don’t  get me wrong, a great deal of change has occurred...within myself. As I reflect on my service I think of what i have done or haven’t done, the famous roller coaster ride of peace corps. I am astounded by the amount of hope retained within myself and in a culture so foreign to my own where i can get myself out of bed to do work. Peace Corps  can be taxing on a volunteer because we serve as our own motivation, there is no one telling us to get out of bed, no one to tell us what to do, no one running up to us jumping with excitement to learn about the consequences of burning your trash or how to instill grassroots community change. The number of hours a volunteer puts in wandering aimlessly to clap at someone’s house, share some terere and explain what a Yanqui is doing in their community and despite popular belief, not spying on the community (Thank you Wikileaks). With this said, a plethora of hours are spent getting to know people, sharing gallons of terere based on the hope that we can create some small positive change.

It is beyond miraculous to see the hope that still lies within us during those dark times  where we don’t find a reason to get out of bed but after a time, we get up and continuously give it a new try.

This is what my experience thus far has given me. Despite how dark of a place I am in, the adversities I face, hope is what keeps me going. Not the hope particularly that I will create a revolutionary type environmental program, but the hope that someone will be positively affected by me.  The hope that my experiences are evolving me into a better person through wisdom obtained from Paraguayans or other volunteers.

Everyone wants to make a difference in the world but developing this difference is the most difficult challenge. Within each of us lies the hope and it is up to each of us to use this to inspire ourselves and those around us that positive change CAN occur. How do we think Obama is so successful, he founded his campaign and his career on the ideals of HOPE and ‘Change we can believe in.’

Sometimes books we read help to keep faith that the small successes we have are really worth it in comparison to the immense challenges faced.

Happy New to year to everyone, 2011, the year I will be home...

A Time of Change and New Realizations

There comes a time in everyone’s life in which we ask ourselves the purpose and what lies ahead.  In this way, we question the strength of our convictions, if it really is worth what I may say, “fighting the good fight.”  

As we go through the numerous adventures throughout our life, episodes occur in which our existence or ideals are validated.  In this way, I am speaking on more of an intellectual level.  As humans, it is innate to believe in a life worth living based on the sheer love received from our families and close friends, but I question, why lies beyond this? Is it expected to live day to day accepting the capitalist consumerist lifestyle, the way the government runs, that poverty exists on a worldwide scale, exploitation is to be accepted, or climate change is not induced by humans along with other widescale environmental change?  

I think that everytime people, or my parents especially, read a blog excerpt of mine, they enjoy reading it, but also question how it is I am so politically and socially motivated to write about such things when maybe, I should just be writing about my day to day tasks and cultural predicaments that differ in relation to U.S. society. Wait, I think that is goal #3 of Peace Corps, “Create a better understanding of your host country to people of the United States.” Woops. I guess I analyze and question too much...but here is the run down of my life the past few months as I continue to dive into the depths of what my life holds in the future, what meaning I can make of it, and how can I as one person create the change that I wish to see in the world as Gandhi so brilliantly stated.

As I have mentioned the many ups and downs of my Peace Corps experience, they are due to cultural norms that differ from my own usually, but most recently in a sense of work.  The valorization of the skills I bring can at times become hidden in a place where education is of a low value, a place where just because I do not understand the culture 100% or speak spanish perfectly without an accent, I am apparently not smart enough to understand the greater scheme of things...Who knows, it probably is because I am a girl, and we have known since early history that men are scientifically proven to be smarter than women....nonetheless to be a 23 year old educated women...anyways...I suppose I can stick to being a secretary or acting like I know nothing....

As I began to question my place in society, my work, and gaining a better understanding of Paraguayan and world culture, a good friend of mine, Bor, another Peace Corps Volunteer who was placed only a 30 minute bus ride away from me in another barrio, opened up my world to some people based on his contacts through the Harvard Alumni Association.  This is when my world changed, for better and worse.  

For the better, through Bor, I had the opportunity to meet and spend time traveling with Doctor Benjamin Fernandez Bogado, renowned Paraguayan leader fighting for valorization and higher education for all and expert in media and communication.  He Studied at universities all over the world including Syracuse, Harvard, Oxford, UNAM, among many others and is the founder of Radio Libre.  Needless to say, he took his opportunities and passions to learn more about the world, further his studies, and returned to create positive change in Paraguay.  Hearing him speak to crowds at universities, on the radio, on tv, or in front of any audience is a breath of fresh air.  The wisdom he has is unlike what I have found in Paraguay up until this point.  Beyond this, to spend time with a scholar like this and to witness his pure generosity and how humble he is is beyond explanation.  Doctor Benjamin has opened new doors to me in which I am witnessing people committed to socially just change in Paraguay, something that is sometimes hidden beyond the depths of Paraguayan society.  Beyond this, his wife, Lizza Bogado is a renowned singer worldwide, and I had the pleasure to watch her perform; a performance to remembered for my lifetime.  Needless to say, this family is extraordinary and I am beyond lucky to have met them and to establish further connections among other educated Paraguayan elites who are enthused by Bor and my work, and wish to support and help us.  

After meeting these individuals who have inspired me and my work to go and do greater things, Bor and I also came to a greater conclusion...being overwhelmed by too many powerful contacts and frustration of Peace Corps for not establishing great contacts for us or supporting us in our ideas outside of just working to give presentations a few times a week in the schools.  This is something complicated that I can not particularly explain in a blog post as far as my frustration goes, but it has been said to me before, the government is about media perceptions and not what actually is going on...

With all this said, big plans are brewing up as I work with Bor and we plan these things with or without the help of Peace Corps, but are looking more into the connections of people we have gotten to know over the past month. On a brighter not as well, the Zero Waste Campaign that I spoke of before is doing well. I have been giving leadership trainings at each of the 11 participating schools.  My contacts and I also presented our project to the state governor and he has agreed to fund the entire project for the rest of my time here, with about $8,000, AND he thinks that this project has so much potential, he wants to find a way to put this project in every school throughout my state.  My contacts and I are also creating Paraguayan Leadership Day to honor youth and adults contributing to a better society on October 26th.  More to discuss in the next blog when I speak of the projects being developed currently, when more is to be described.

Heart of a Lion.

I want to point out an interesting aspect about being a volunteer and having some of my best friends in Peace Corps throughout the world, Michelle in Panama on a remote tropical island with no electricity or running water, Brooke in a small beach town in Ecuador with not many resources not at

 Her fingertips, Toby with internet in his apartment in Kavarna on the Black Sea, the Rock & Roll Capital of Bulgaria with murals of Billy Idol and AC/DC in the city, and the newest edition, Roger in Mali in West Africa, one of the poorest nations in the world, who will most likely be living in a mud hut.  When I talk to my friends in each of these countries, there is one thing that never changes, we all go through the same frustrations, difficult cultural adaptations, missing home and friends, and the roller coaster ride of emotions that volunteers seem to know so well.  We understand each other in ways no one will ever be able to understand unless you are a Peace Corps Volunteer.  One thing is for certain, we can all have some sort of contact with each other and home, and know that at the end of two years, we can return to our comfort zones back in the states to everything we know.  In the Peace Corps, we are considered professionals who are well respected and as I pointed out in the past blog, sometimes lose part of our identity to integrate into our culture, but nonetheless, people seek upon us as our knowledge is different and accepted in ways, which would never really occur in the U.S. 

            Thinking about the way we are accepted into other countries and loved by the locals and reading current events in the U.S. led me to reflect on the Immigration issues brewing.

            This has always been an important issue to me as it is so misunderstood and until recently, added along racial profiling under the terminology of “immigration reform.”  Hearing the news of this brought tears to my eyes as I think of the many innocent people, the majority from Latin American countries, migrating to the U.S. in hopes of creating a better life for themselves, and possibly their families.  Many immigrants come to work in extremely harsh conditions, such as in the agriculture industry, bent over for hours picking strawberries, risking pesticide poisoning, almost no access to health care, sometimes even no access to running water or proper sanitation, even food.  Many may say, they came here by choice.  I agree, I came to another country by choice as well, the difference, I am here on part of the U.S. government as a professional, and the underlying privilege which is often disregarded, that I was born and live in the U.S.  Because of this, many people want to know you, they believe you, no matter how little money they have, there is always a offering of food or something for you.  This makes my life easier as it is a struggle to try to grasp the language, understand the different cultural norms, be in another country in general, especially when you are far from everything you know, especially your support system, family & friends. 

            I could never imagine immigrating to the U.S., getting the most physically demanding jobs, struggling with a new language, adapting to a new culture, being away from family and friends, and top of this all, being incredibly discriminated against.  The way people even talk about illegal immigrants, which mostly happen to be from Mexico and Central America, and how stupid they are, even how they don’t deserve anything sickens me. Think about it, these people are often learning at least their second language, and dealing with a whole new culture, one where most families will not open up their arms and doors to these outsiders to share a meal with them.

            It hurts to hear here in Paraguay how often people ask me about racism in the U.S.  Mainly because of the sort of media shown here, people ask me if we still hang African Americans, and they see on the news the way illegal immigrants are always sent to jail just for trying to work.  It is really unfortunate that this is a common view, that we, as in people from the United States are extremely racist.  Understanding the power and privilege the U.S. wields, as a country, we should strive to create a good example, not one based on being racist, creating unjustified wars, violent and tortuous, or everyone being rich, but a place that is just to all.

            The name of the blog is entitled “Heart of a Lion” based on the Kid Cudi song, because I feel that this encapsulates what must be endured by immigrants, especially in a society in which racism is becoming more institutionalized day by day.  I urge everyone to think and take action to stop the politicians acting irrationally and educate people around you because everyone deserves the right to a better life, and especially to be treated equally.

I dedicate this blog to any person who has immigrated to the U.S., or tried to live in another country, especially my mom who has endured more racism, and discrimination than many people will ever know or have to go through.

This posting is ESPECIALLY not connected to the U.S. government, but my own views.

The View from my apartment over the river.

            

Fuerza Albirroja!!!

Here in South America, winter has been entered upon. Although most must assume that winter is not “real” here in Paraguay since it is one of the tropical countries, let me assure you Paraguay is a subtropical country, and it has been ever so hard to leave my bolsa de dormir (sleeping bag) since the start of July due to the coldness.

July started with a trip to Asuncion, the Capital and into the Chaco to a self sufficient agricultural high school is located for a 4 day training. This school was amazing because they produced their own food and created their own income through selling the goods created at the school. This was during the World Cup, so needless to say, training had to be stopped mid-training to watch Paraguay play.

Being in Paraguay during the World Cup was really amazing. Paraguay was one of only 6 Peace Corps countries that qualified, and as they made it into the Semi-quarter finals besides Ghana. So, basically Paraguay was going crazy. School was basically cancelled on the days that Paraguay was playing, and most businesses shut down to watch the game. As goals were scored, I could hear fireworks, horns, and screams of joy erupting all over the town. As soon as the game was over and Paraguay had either won, or tied but was to advance, many rushed out of their homes into their cars covered in Paraguay flags, wearing their soccer jerseys, to parade up and down the streets blasting music, yelling for joy, and many, celebrating by drinking beer while doing all the other things. Things were exciting needless to say, and you really felt left out if you weren’t wearing some article of clothing related to Paraguayan soccer.

The main plaza in Asuncion on game day.

Needless to say, it was exciting time here as there was Paraguayan pride to be found everywhere throughout the country. It was an exciting time as Paraguay is usually an unknown country in the heart of South America, but the World Cup and the Paraguayan National Team really did start to put Paraguay on a map as many were surprised to see such a small country advance so far. Who knows, maybe Paraguay will win next World Cup in Brazil, 2014!

Watching the Semi-Finals in Asuncion

Beyond this, the coldness has coincided perfectly with the teacher strike and the 2-week winter vacation. The week before the vacation was to begin, teachers went on strike due to low salaries, this occurs often here, as it has been the third one this year. However, this cancelled school for that week, and is said to go for another 45 days. This was also besides the winter vacation. Now, besides the strike, the Ministry of Education and Culture gave another week of vacation off because it has been so cold.

You might think Paraguay being cold is a joke, but in the past few weeks, the temperature dropped to 30 degrees one night. I know that this temperature is weak and nothing really in comparison to the winter temps in Lake Tahoe, but imagine this…30 degrees in a country where heaters only exist in the wealthiest houses in the country, fireplaces are more rare, where the houses are built to endure the heat, so they are all cement or plywood buildings with single pane windows if there are windows, and cement or tile floors, with many holes for open air to come into your house. So basically I never left my sleeping bag, which is equipped for 25 degrees. Best and most useful present my mom and dad have ever given me. I lived in long underwear with another pair of pants over, record was up to 4 shirts with a heavy jacket on that was worn inside and outside as the temperatures are the same. Needless to say, it was also painful to take showers or even go to the bathroom. I laid in bed seeing my breath as I was breathing. Beyond this, I happened to get a horrible cold so was stranded in my sleeping bag too sick to leave, and listened to lots of music.
Besides the cold factor, washing my clothes was not really an option either. Besides the fact my hands would freeze off from leaving them under the cold running water to hand scrub all my clothes because washers and dryers are few and far inbetween, due to the humidity, clothes would never dry without the sun and would only get moldy and get that awesome musty smell I love my clothes to smell of. Laundry just makes my life so much more difficult sometimes, but hey, it is relaxing to wash my clothes outside on a nice day.

I talk about the weather often because this country for sure has some extremes, which are even more prevalent as every building you walk into is not equipped with air conditioning or heat. I becoming better, harder, faster, stronger….or maybe just more comfortable with whatever happens, happens. It shows me what I, or humans in general can endure and how much of that is lost back home, or maybe how much I wish Lake Tahoe was here in the summer and my fireplace in my room these past few weeks.

"When there is no struggle, there is no change." -Frederick Douglass

The common view of the Peace Corps in the U.S. is one that shows volunteers building schools in these poor countries, installing running water, or overall very large-scale projects. However, the reality of life and work of a volunteer is very different from this. Things vary greatly depending on your country, and especially within your country to the site you live in. Each one of my friends experience different types of work because of the different needs in each community, to the money available, to the resources the volunteer may offer or have interest in, to the size of your community. I live in a more urban site so there is more money. However, along with more money, there is great need as the gap between rich and poor within my city is very prevalent.
As the school year began in the end of February, I started attending school to get to know the teachers and have an idea what types of things they are interested in. My main contact is the Coordinator of Projects for the middle school aged kids. She is extremely motivated and has many ideas for big projects, but just does not have the support she needs in terms of expertise of subjects, development of projects, and how to continue the project. This is where I come in. She has wanted to create a project entitled, “Zero Waste Campaign.” However, her hopes for this project are not only for this school of 1,200 students, but she wants this to be institutionalized within every school in my city, and later into all of Paraguay. This makes sense because trash is a big problem and this project includes the maintenance of schools, consciousness of environmental problems so that students learn to value and keep the environment healthy, a school garden to promote nutrition as students are encountering many problems with health here, and environmental leadership though a youth forum in which all schools can attend. Needless to say, this project is large, but since I have experience with large projects, I am excited and motivated. I have already completed with my contact the budget and proposed project, which will soon be presented to local and state governments, but also other organizations in hopes to receive the funding.
As I started with my school, I was introduced to a NGO named PREVER, which focuses on drug addiction, but also other threats to creating and/or maintaining healthy communities. This NGO gets their funding from Spain, but the funding is for their community center and to pay the salaries of the main workers who are a combination of social workers and psychologists. This NGO works in the most marginalized neighborhoods of Encarnacion to promote sustainable development through helping to find health care at reduced costs, classes to promote new jobs like cosmetology, computer science, etc, and many youth leadership groups. The women who work there are amazing and are eager to use my knowledge in the environmental field. With that said, I work mainly with a Social Worker named Francieli who is Brazilian, but grew up in Paraguay. She is about 26, studying to get another undergrad degree in Psychology and wants to study somewhere else in the world for her masters. Anyways, I spend a lot of time with her and we developed a family gardening project. We surveyed about 50 families about if they had gardens, would like one, have health problems due to lack of nutrition, and/or have space for a garden. Essentially we narrowed this group down to 12 families in which we will be providing technical assistance by me on the gardens, and we are still asking for funding so each family can receive tools, seeds, and other resources necessary for the project. This project spans from my class last Thursday until this October. Many of these families once lived in the country and had land, but due to outside pressures and lack of economic resources, were forced to sell this land and move to the city in search of a better life. Needless to say, many of them lost their knowledge about gardens, and many suffer from malnutrition since they can not afford vegetables. In this sense, I am teaching them some biology, ecology, social sciences, and nutrition throughout the course of this project. I am super excited about this project because it is all older women with a couple younger women around my age and although they have spiked their curiosity in me the foreigner, they want to have gardens to empower themselves and their families for a healthier lifestyle. In this venture, I have been inspired to begin my urban gardening as I will begin to garden on the roof of my apartment, probably the first in Paraguay that isn’t just herbs…
Both of these projects have taken a lot of my time to plan, but are finally underway. I am really into both of them and have some other great ideas for projects, which will soon become developed, and I will let you all know. Another thing I am spending a lot of my time on right now is making recycle furniture and crafts for my new apartment…Take a gander of my pic of the trashcan I wove out of newspaper…ballin!

The Illusion of Freedom.

Many times people from the U.S. symbolize their country with freedom. In other words, the U.S. is synonymous with freedom. Freedom of speech. Freedom to choose. Freedom to be an individual. Freedom to create your identity without the fear of being persecuted…or wait, is this really true?
The Peace Corps has given me insight of what sort of context portrays in my everyday life.
In terms of neoliberalism, free trade is the utopian type of hyper capitalism with a side of freedom for those who operate in this system. The freedom to exploit women and children for labor. The freedom for corporations to cross borders freely to pursue lessened labor laws and environmental laws. The freedom to pollute air, water, and people, as much as you want. The freedom of consumption. Although I could go on, elitists in power also have the freedom to pick and choose the freedoms allowed to everyone else.
The freedom to live without persecution based merely on the color of your skin doesn’t exist, just ask Arizona…The freedom to choose an alternative economic system because apparently exploitation of people and nature are the ultimate model of freedom. The freedom to stand up for what you believe in without being reprimanded in society. The freedom to say that 22,000 people dead in Mexico just based on the past 3 years due to the Drug War initiated by the U.S. is not worth the lives of innocent people it has cost. With this said, all I am asking for is the freedom to be me.
The Peace Corps has presented a fair amount of challenges and questions as I beg for the freedom to be me. We join this government organization in helps of helping to sustainably develop a country in the global south. What I have I realized? The inability to be ourselves.
The first day of training we have 3 rules drilled into our head from Peace Corps Paraguay. No riding motorcycles, no drugs, and no crossing into other countries without telling Peace Corps. I do understand that these rules exist for our own safety, but I am just providing another outlook. These may not seem like such big problems until you understand that motos are to Paraguayans as adderall is to college students during finals week. Crossing into other countries, I live a 10 minute bus ride over a bridge to get into Argentina. I have to take vacation days to go there for a day. As for drugs, they are prevalent as Paraguay is a major exporter in the world of Marijuana. I am not saying that I have a desire to do any of these things or even will if I didn’t have these rules in place, but the freedom is taken away instantly.
Another part of being a volunteer is adapting and integrating into the culture and especially within your site. Peace Corps volunteers are supposed to be the epitome and example of a U.S. citizen. In many of our communities we may be the 1st or only person from the U.S. these people may meet. With this said, people form opinions easily based on this one volunteer that they meet. I find myself trying hard to fit in and being nice to everyone so I am well rounded and liked with no hard feelings. It is nearly impossible to express my opinions or many of my ideas because this could harm my relationship with many people that I need to have relationships with.
This really has affected my mental and emotional state. With this said, the family I was living with literally drove me into another state of mind, and where I usually speak up for myself, I found myself restricting and suppressing my emotions because I had to maintain this relationship for my jobs sake. I suppressed those emotions to the point in which I almost came home because I was in such a bad state. The thing about peace corps is not only the fact that job and home life is the same thing, but that we continue to go through extremes of emotions, a great amount of ups and downs, the 2 year roller coaster. The fact that my job depends on my relationships and vice versa, it was really hard for me to pack up and just leave, beyond this, it was hard to be me and speak my mind.
My solution to this dilemma was moving out because I could not bear to stay in that house a minute longer. As my search was intense to find a place of my own within my peace corps salary, I had to compromise things, but anything was better than being in that house. I needed some space that I could call mine and not worry about being constantly supervised. 5 months into living in my site and I finally got it.
Freedom is something we take for granted the way I took washers and dryers for granted in the states where now I wash everything by hand. To me having the freedom to be my own person is very difficult as I strive day to day to adjust to this culture. The freedom I have to be me was taken away and with that, my mental health. I still ask myself if this job is really worth that? Is it worth losing my identity to be here? As I go on questions persist, but I realize how much exponentially happier I am to have a place to call my own. I know this blog is slightly intense, but it is something I think about here a lot and I think it is an important part of all of our lives. As Bob Marley says, “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.”
Til next time, Lots of Love from the heart of South America….

A few pics to gander...

So i have not updated my blog in awhile, but I am in the process of writing about my happenings. Needless to say, I have encountered many changes recently in everything I am getting involved in, and new challenges. I would also like to add that the earthquakes were not felt here, Paraguay is not known to have any natural disasters, but thanks for thinking of me anyways. I look forward to updating you, but here are a few pics from my trip to the Jesuit Ruins of Paraguay which are about 1 hour away from my site...