Many times people from the U.S. symbolize their country with freedom. In other words, the U.S. is synonymous with freedom. Freedom of speech. Freedom to choose. Freedom to be an individual. Freedom to create your identity without the fear of being persecuted…or wait, is this really true?
The Peace Corps has given me insight of what sort of context portrays in my everyday life.
In terms of neoliberalism, free trade is the utopian type of hyper capitalism with a side of freedom for those who operate in this system. The freedom to exploit women and children for labor. The freedom for corporations to cross borders freely to pursue lessened labor laws and environmental laws. The freedom to pollute air, water, and people, as much as you want. The freedom of consumption. Although I could go on, elitists in power also have the freedom to pick and choose the freedoms allowed to everyone else.
The freedom to live without persecution based merely on the color of your skin doesn’t exist, just ask Arizona…The freedom to choose an alternative economic system because apparently exploitation of people and nature are the ultimate model of freedom. The freedom to stand up for what you believe in without being reprimanded in society. The freedom to say that 22,000 people dead in Mexico just based on the past 3 years due to the Drug War initiated by the U.S. is not worth the lives of innocent people it has cost. With this said, all I am asking for is the freedom to be me.
The Peace Corps has presented a fair amount of challenges and questions as I beg for the freedom to be me. We join this government organization in helps of helping to sustainably develop a country in the global south. What I have I realized? The inability to be ourselves.
The first day of training we have 3 rules drilled into our head from Peace Corps Paraguay. No riding motorcycles, no drugs, and no crossing into other countries without telling Peace Corps. I do understand that these rules exist for our own safety, but I am just providing another outlook. These may not seem like such big problems until you understand that motos are to Paraguayans as adderall is to college students during finals week. Crossing into other countries, I live a 10 minute bus ride over a bridge to get into Argentina. I have to take vacation days to go there for a day. As for drugs, they are prevalent as Paraguay is a major exporter in the world of Marijuana. I am not saying that I have a desire to do any of these things or even will if I didn’t have these rules in place, but the freedom is taken away instantly.
Another part of being a volunteer is adapting and integrating into the culture and especially within your site. Peace Corps volunteers are supposed to be the epitome and example of a U.S. citizen. In many of our communities we may be the 1st or only person from the U.S. these people may meet. With this said, people form opinions easily based on this one volunteer that they meet. I find myself trying hard to fit in and being nice to everyone so I am well rounded and liked with no hard feelings. It is nearly impossible to express my opinions or many of my ideas because this could harm my relationship with many people that I need to have relationships with.
This really has affected my mental and emotional state. With this said, the family I was living with literally drove me into another state of mind, and where I usually speak up for myself, I found myself restricting and suppressing my emotions because I had to maintain this relationship for my jobs sake. I suppressed those emotions to the point in which I almost came home because I was in such a bad state. The thing about peace corps is not only the fact that job and home life is the same thing, but that we continue to go through extremes of emotions, a great amount of ups and downs, the 2 year roller coaster. The fact that my job depends on my relationships and vice versa, it was really hard for me to pack up and just leave, beyond this, it was hard to be me and speak my mind.
My solution to this dilemma was moving out because I could not bear to stay in that house a minute longer. As my search was intense to find a place of my own within my peace corps salary, I had to compromise things, but anything was better than being in that house. I needed some space that I could call mine and not worry about being constantly supervised. 5 months into living in my site and I finally got it.
Freedom is something we take for granted the way I took washers and dryers for granted in the states where now I wash everything by hand. To me having the freedom to be my own person is very difficult as I strive day to day to adjust to this culture. The freedom I have to be me was taken away and with that, my mental health. I still ask myself if this job is really worth that? Is it worth losing my identity to be here? As I go on questions persist, but I realize how much exponentially happier I am to have a place to call my own. I know this blog is slightly intense, but it is something I think about here a lot and I think it is an important part of all of our lives. As Bob Marley says, “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.”
Til next time, Lots of Love from the heart of South America….
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